Marriage: A Sacrament of Service

When I am at home, away from school, I attend a diocesan TLM. My mom and I have been encouraged by a new priest sent by our Bishop to celebrate the Mass regularly. His sermons are often quite intellectual and always meaningful. He is not one of those priests who goes up and preaches that “all religions are just trying to teach love.” The parish has reacted quite favorably… but more on that in another post.

Last weekend, the Second Sunday after the Epiphany, Fr. spoke of the Sacraments of Service, listed as such in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Which he referred to as “the current Catechism of the Catholic Church”, but I digress.

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I was interested to learn that there are two of these Sacraments: Holy Orders and Holy Matrimony. Since he mentioned this, it has been on my mind. I debated writing a reflection on his homily, but ran out of time and now I forget much of what he said.

This summer, I made friends with a group of people my age, at our internship. My two best friends from my internship ended up dating, she goes here to Michigan and he goes to Notre Dame. Interestingly, both were Catholic and both were quite Catholic (as opposed to the many nominal Catholics). My friend, call her Sarah, and I went to Adoration last evening. I had a remarkable time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, praying the Holy Rosary and the Office of Compline from the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary. After I finished with Compline, I read a portion of St. Augustine’s Confessions, which about 2 months ago I told myself I would read and barely started/failed.

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As I read a small portion of the book, I came across the portion where St. Augustine gets baptized. Now… for those who are interested in Church history, it’s remarkable to note that St. Augustine, one of the greatest Saints this world has ever seen, one of the greatest philosophers this world have ever seen, and a Church Father and Doctor, was born in 354. That’s approximately 300 years after Our Lord rose from the dead, and… even more astounding… about 40 years before the Bible was formulated (in 393).

But read St. Augustine and you feel like you’re reading the writings of a medieval Saint, like St. Thomas Aquinas. It’s really quite fascinating.

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You might ask at this point, Baptism? Marriage? What’s the connection. Welll – as so many know already, St. Augustine was converted to the Catholic Church with the help of the unceasing prayers of his mother, St. Monica. But St. Augustine was not baptized at birth. On his baptism, St. Augustine writes:

My cleansing was therefore deferred on the pretext that if I lived I would inevitably soil myself again, for it was held that the guilt of sinful defilement incurred after the laver of baptism was graver and more perilous. I was already a believer, as were my mother and all the household, with the sole exception of my father. He, however, did not overrule the influence my mother’s piety exercised over me, by making any attempt to stop me believing in Christ, in whom he did not at that time believe himself. My mother did all she could to see that you, my God, should be more truly my father than he was, and in this endeavor you helped her to win the argument against her husband to whom she, though a better person, was ordinarily subject, for in taking this course she was in fact subjecting herself to you, who so commanded her.

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Now, what’s striking about this is St. Augustine’s brilliant insight into the Sacrament of Matrimony as a Sacrament of Service. St. Augustine notes that his mother is subject to his father, but that when she is seemingly disobedient, she is truly being obedient to Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Side Note: There is an interesting connection here between Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre and Pope John Paul II, and a connection between St. Catherine of Sienna and Pope Gregory XI. If you are interested, you might read about these, or else you can ignore this.

Marriage truly is a service. The wife is subservient to the father, just as the Church is subservient to Her Bridegroom, Almighty God. The difference, as St. Augustine points out implicitly, is that the husband can err, while God cannot. Therefore, there is no need for the Bride of Our Lord to be disobedient to Her Bridegroom. St. Augustine notes when it is acceptable for the wife to be disobedient to her husband.

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Furthermore, this post shouldn’t be read as an antiquated “men are better than women”- / “women are from Mars, men are from Jupiter” -type-of-post. The theology behind the subservient wife has explicit Biblical basis (see below), but it stems from the need and desire for the Church to be subject to Our Lord. God is the Bridegroom to the Bride, the Holy Catholic Church. This is the basis for this notion.

Our priest spoke of Eve being made out of the side of Adam. This is perfectly foreshadowing of the Church being made from the side of Our Lord when He is stabbed on the cross and blood and water pours out. Moreover, just before He dies, He speaks to His mother and St. John, saying: “Woman, behold your son.” By woman, He is signifying the “New Eve”-quality of Mary, and He is again foreshadowing the Church which is to spring from His side, as Our Lady and one of the first Bishops watches the High Priest perform the Sacrifice.

St. Paul notes the necessity for women to be subject to the husband, when he writes in Colossians 3:

¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you abundantly, in all wisdom: teaching and admonishing one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual canticles, singing in grace in your hearts to God.

¹⁷ All whatsoever you do in word or in work, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

¹⁸ Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it behoveth in the Lord.

¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them.

²⁰ Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

²¹ Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged.

²² Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not serving to the eye, as pleasing men, but in simplicity of heart, fearing God.

²³ Whatsoever you do, do it from the heart, as to the Lord, and not to men:

²⁴ Knowing that you shall receive of the Lord the reward of inheritance. Serve ye the Lord Christ.

But he further notes that men must honor their wives, and all (men and women) should be subject to their true Master, as we are simply servants of His.

Importantly, St. Paul directly follows the comment to the wives, with a qualifier that we (men) should not ask anything of our wives that Our Lord would not find pleasing. This is the point that is often missed by misogynists. Out of love for Our Lord and our wives, we should strive to demonstrate just how important the women are in our lives.

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A lot more can be said on the subjectivity of marriage, but I’m not the correct person to say that. Your priest likely speaks of this in a sermon, and if he’s not, then perhaps you might ask about Catholic teaching on marriage/husband and wives, and its symbolism of the Church.

The last thing I want to share is something Rev. Fr. Z posted yesterday, which I think is related to this subject. The post can be read HERE. Thanks to Fr. Z for sharing this touching story (my emphasis in bold).

Tonight I received a note from her husband:

It was so very, very nice to see you at Fr. Murray’s several weeks ago. I am writing to you to let you know, my beloved MaryAnn passed away today.

God bless you, thank you for your prayers and kindness during our encounters over the years in NY at ___ rectories.

She received the Sacraments: Confession with in the last week, anointing, Eucharist (Viaticum), and Apostolic Pardon.

So I believe she had a happy death. She was in her own bed, she was at home, the family was here, all the kids. She simply stopped breathing, and was gone at 12:20 pm.

I hope I was worthy of her and that I served her well.

God Bless you, and again thanks,

To which I responded:

Oh my! Matthew, accept my simultaneous condolences and congratulations. As MaryAnn’s husband you fulfilled your vocation of helping her to heaven. With the suffering and the sacraments, I am confident in her present bliss.

That said, I will not fail to pray for you all.

Blessings and best,

Fr. Z

Dear readers who are married…

Your vocation is to help your spouse get to heaven, and by doing so, get to heaven yourself.

Also a quick note to those who recall my discussion on the primary ends of marriage. Fr. Z, I am confident, knows and believes that the primary end of marriage is procreation. He is simply citing another end of marriage. Again, thank you to Fr. Z for sharing, and Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine.

Picture from Populus Summorum Pontificum